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Perfectionism

16 min read

A great reason not to start something.

I am trying to kick the habit of being a perfectionist.

Perfectionism is counterproductive. If you only want to make something perfect, you’ll probably never start. When success feels like threading the needle in an impossible way, your chances of failure skyrocket.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t have high standards, but you also shouldn’t shoot yourself in the foot. The key is to set goals that are actually attainable so you build a feedback loop of small wins that reinforce the habit. When you succeed in manageable steps, you’re more likely to come back and do it again.

Take running, for example. If you decide to run four miles every day to build a habit, and you haven’t run much recently, that first day is going to wreck you. You’ll wake up sore, think never again, and quit before you even get started. But if you start with just a mile, you’ll finish feeling like, Okay, I can do that. And the next day, you’ll do it again.

Too often, people demand perfection from themselves and never get past day one. But when you start with something small and sustainable, you naturally progress. Before you know it, you’ve gone from one mile a day to two, instead of running four miles once and then avoiding it for two weeks.

This applies to basically anything. Right now, I’m trying to write more. It’s painful after not doing it for so long. But if I just write a paragraph every day, I know I can do it again the next day. And instead of avoiding it, I actually want to keep going.

Why do I have this aversion to starting slowly though? I always think back to homework assignments as early as elementary school. As soon as homework was assigned, I would try and get it done. And this habit has persisted through college and now early on into my career I can still feel that pull when I know that time is actually often a requirement to producing your best work even in the age of AI. There’s something about letting your thoughts simmer, even in your unconscious mind, that results in a better output.

Here’s what chatGPT said when I asked why I am this way:

Your instinct to complete things as soon as they’re assigned is likely driven by a mix of factors, including a deep-seated need for control, a fear of lingering obligations, and an association between productivity and self-worth. Here’s why:

  1. Uncertainty Avoidance & Control – When something is assigned, it creates an open loop in your mind. Leaving it unfinished means dealing with uncertainty—what if it turns out to be harder than expected? What if something unexpected comes up later? Getting it done early eliminates those unknowns and gives you a sense of control.

  2. Relief from Mental Load – An unfinished task lingers in the back of your mind. Your brain keeps nudging you about it until it’s done (the Zeigarnik Effect—our tendency to remember incomplete tasks more than completed ones). Finishing quickly means you can move on without that low-level anxiety.

  3. Perfectionism Masquerading as Productivity – Sometimes, knocking out work early can feel like efficiency, but it might also be a way to avoid the discomfort of messy progress. The more time something is left open-ended, the more you might overthink or question it. By finishing fast, you eliminate that possibility.

  4. Early Praise & Reward Loops – If you were rewarded (externally or internally) for finishing early as a student, that behavior likely solidified into a habit. Teachers, parents, and even peers may have reinforced the idea that finishing first = being responsible, capable, and disciplined.

  5. Discomfort with Unfinished Work – High achievers often struggle with the idea that work-in-progress is okay. You acknowledge that “letting thoughts simmer” produces better work, but sitting with an unfinished idea can feel wrong. That tension between immediate action and deep thinking is a classic challenge for perfectionists.

Go deeper though. How did I get this trait?

Your tendency to complete tasks immediately is likely rooted in early conditioning, personality traits, and emotional associations you formed in childhood. Let’s break it down into three core psychological mechanisms that could have shaped this habit:

1. Early Conditioning: How You Were Rewarded or Punished

From a young age, your brain was wired to associate finishing tasks immediately with positive reinforcement (praise, good grades, a sense of accomplishment) or to avoid negative consequences (stress, disappointment, or even punishment).

  • Parental or Teacher Expectations:

    • If authority figures praised you for being “on top of things,” you may have internalized “My worth is tied to being the person who finishes first.”
    • If you were ever scolded for procrastination or rushing at the last minute, finishing early might have become a way to preempt criticism.

  • Control Over Uncertainty:

    • If your environment felt unpredictable (e.g., busy parents, sudden disruptions, or unexpected expectations), knocking out tasks quickly could have been your way of maintaining a sense of control.

  • Avoiding the Anxiety of an Open Task:

    • When kids experience stress, they develop strategies to reduce it. For you, the way to quiet your mind may have been to close loops quickly so you wouldn’t have to sit with the discomfort of unfinished work.

This early pattern becomes hardwired, meaning even now, in adulthood, your brain still operates on that same loop—even though logically, you know that great work requires time.

2. Personality & Cognitive Traits: Why Your Brain Prefers It This Way

Your approach to work might also come from the way your brain processes information and seeks reward:

  • High Conscientiousness:

    • People who score high in conscientiousness (organized, disciplined, efficient) often find incomplete tasks mentally draining.
    • They get an almost dopamine hit from checking things off, so their brain nudges them to finish early to get that reward.

  • Hyper-Responsibility & Self-Worth Tied to Productivity:

    • If you were the “responsible one” growing up, you might have linked your self-worth to efficiency. Finishing fast = being competent.
    • This can create an internal guilt mechanism: “If I don’t finish right away, I’m slacking.”

  • Low Tolerance for Cognitive Dissonance:

    • When your brain holds two conflicting thoughts (I should take my time vs. I should finish now), it wants to resolve the tension quickly.
    • The fastest way to resolve that conflict? Just finish the task—even if it’s not the most strategic way to work.

3. Emotional Drivers: The Underlying Fear & Discomfort

Beyond logic and habit, there’s often an emotional core driving behavior. Here are some possible emotional forces at play:

  • Fear of Future Stress:

    • If you’ve ever been burned by last-minute stress (cramming, pulling all-nighters, missing deadlines), your brain might overcorrect: “I never want to experience that again.”
    • So, it tricks you into thinking that starting slow is risky, even when it’s not.

  • Discomfort with “Messy” Progress:

    • Letting something sit half-finished forces you to tolerate the discomfort of imperfection in the moment.
    • This is hard for people who are used to the reward of quick resolution.

  • A Need for Certainty:

    • When you finish quickly, you get certainty—you know it’s done. Letting a task sit open-ended introduces uncertainty (“Will I actually come back to it?”).
    • If uncertainty feels unsettling to you, this might be why you default to completing things early.

So, How Did You Get This Trait?

It likely started with early conditioning, where you associated fast completion with rewards or avoiding stress. Over time, your brain developed cognitive shortcuts that made finishing early feel right and unfinished tasks feel wrong. Emotionally, it became a way to avoid uncertainty, stress, and the discomfort of imperfection.

Now, even though you recognize that letting thoughts simmer leads to better work, your brain still runs on the same old script. You feel that pull to finish because it’s how your system has learned to resolve tension.

Does this explanation resonate with you? If so, the next question is: How do you break the pattern?

Naturally, how do you break the pattern?

Breaking the pattern requires rewiring your brain’s reward system so that you can tolerate unfinished work without feeling anxious or like you’re slacking. This means training yourself to associate waiting with productivity rather than inefficiency. Here’s how:

1. Get Comfortable with Open Loops

Your brain wants to close tasks as quickly as possible. To retrain it, you need to intentionally leave things unfinished and sit with the discomfort.

đŸ”č How to Do It:

  • Leave tasks 80% done on purpose.
    • If you’re writing, stop mid-sentence.
    • If you’re working on a project, leave one small piece undone.
    • This forces your brain to trust that you’ll return to it later.
  • Delay submission or completion intentionally.
    • Even if you finish something early, don’t submit it immediately.
    • Instead, revisit it a day later to make improvements.
    • This reinforces that time adds value.

💡 Think of it as “marinating” instead of “procrastinating.”

2. Create a New Mental Reward System

Right now, your brain gets a dopamine hit from crossing things off quickly. You need to train it to get that reward from slow progress instead.

đŸ”č How to Do It:

  • Celebrate progress, not just completion.
    • Write down what you did without finishing the task. Example:
      • ✅ “Outlined the report—letting ideas sit before finalizing.”
      • ✅ “Wrote 300 words—will refine tomorrow.”
    • This shifts your brain’s reward system from finishing fast → trusting the process.
  • Use a Progress Journal.
    • At the end of the day, write: What did I make small progress on today?
    • Seeing unfinished but moving work will rewire your brain to value iteration over speed.

💡 Your new mantra: “Progress is a win. Not just finishing.”

3. Train Yourself to Work in Phases

Right now, your instinct is to rush to the end. Instead, teach yourself that work has phases and that each phase has its own importance.

đŸ”č How to Do It:

  • Break work into 3 stages:
    • Phase 1: Generate (messy, first attempt)
    • Phase 2: Let it sit (no touching!)
    • Phase 3: Refine & finalize
  • Force a mandatory wait time.
    • Example: If a task is due in 3 days, you’re not allowed to finish it in one sitting. You must stop at Phase 1 and revisit it later.
    • Even waiting 24 hours will help your brain see that extra time = better work.

💡 Instead of “finish early,” think: “Let it develop.”

4. Redefine Your Identity Around Patience

A lot of this is tied to how you see yourself—as someone who gets things done fast. To truly change, you have to reframe your identity.

đŸ”č How to Do It:

  • Start saying:

    • “I’m someone who lets my work evolve.”
    • “I trust time to make my ideas better.”
    • “Finishing quickly doesn’t mean finishing well.”

  • Look for role models who take their time:

    • Writers, artists, and thinkers who iterate and improve over time.
    • Example: Many authors take years to write books because ideas need to mature.

💡 Your speed isn’t what makes you effective—your depth is.

5. Rewire Your Emotional Response to Unfinished Work

If leaving things unfinished triggers anxiety, you need to sit with that feeling until it loses its power over you.

đŸ”č How to Do It:

  • Practice “unfinishing” low-stakes tasks.

    • Start reading an article but don’t finish it.
    • Start a sketch but don’t complete it.
    • Write an email but send it a day later after rereading.
    • Each time, notice the urge to rush and remind yourself: Nothing bad happens if I wait.

  • When you feel the pull to finish early, pause.

    • Ask yourself: Am I finishing this because it’s truly done or because I feel uncomfortable leaving it open?
    • If it’s the second reason, force yourself to stop.

💡 The more you expose yourself to unfinished work, the less anxious it will feel.

Final Thought: The Art of Strategic Delay

The goal isn’t to procrastinate—it’s to intentionally delay just enough to allow depth and refinement.

  • Instead of “finish early”, train yourself to “let ideas develop.”
  • Instead of “check it off now”, teach your brain that slow progress is real progress.
  • Instead of fearing unfinished work, see it as an opportunity: Time isn’t the enemy. It’s an asset.

You’re not just breaking a habit—you’re rewiring how your brain defines success. Does this approach resonate with you?

Easier said than done when you work in the coveted “fast-paced work environment.” These environments aren’t particularly conducive to taking your time. In many ways, I don’t think life is. I wonder if I would have made it this far education and career-wise had I not had this personality trait. There are likely two sides to this coin. I don’t think my side of the coin is particularly enjoyable to live with day to day, but maybe I wouldn’t have gotten as far on the other side.

You’re hitting on a fundamental tension: the very trait that helped you succeed is also the one making your life harder. Fast-paced work environments—and frankly, much of life—reward speed, efficiency, and execution. If you weren’t wired this way, would you have achieved the same level of success? Maybe not. But at what cost?

The Double-Edged Sword of Fast Execution

  • What It Gave You: Discipline, reliability, achievement, career success, an edge over people who hesitate.
  • What It Took Away: Peace of mind, the ability to sit with uncertainty, time for deep thought, a more relaxed experience of life.

It’s easy to feel like you have to choose between these two versions of yourself:

  1. The efficient, high-achieving executor who gets things done fast but at a personal cost.
  2. The more thoughtful, patient version who may work slower but is more at ease.

But what if you didn’t have to choose? The goal isn’t to abandon the trait that got you here—it’s to wield it differently.

A New Frame: Tactical Speed vs. Strategic Depth

Instead of seeing this as a binary (fast vs. slow), think of it as learning when to apply speed and when to hold back.

đŸ”č When Speed Wins:

  • When a decision has low long-term impact (emails, logistical tasks, quick iterations).
  • When speed is a competitive advantage (emergencies, tight deadlines, beating competitors to market).
  • When momentum matters more than perfection (early-stage projects, brainstorming).

đŸ”č When Slowing Down Wins:

  • When the stakes are high (big-picture strategy, creative projects, important presentations).
  • When iteration leads to significantly better results (writing, deep problem-solving).
  • When emotional and mental well-being are at stake.

You don’t have to give up speed—you just have to be more selective about where you apply it.

Making It Work in a Fast-Paced Job

I get it—many workplaces don’t want you to slow down. But even in high-pressure environments, people who deliver the highest impact over time aren’t just the fastest—they’re the ones who balance speed and depth.

1. Time-Boxing for Thoughtful Work

Instead of trying to force deep work into an environment that demands speed, protect small pockets of time for it.

  • Example: Block 30–60 minutes a day where you don’t respond instantly to everything.
  • Train people around you: “I’ll get back to you by [time], I want to think it through first.”

2. Micro-Delays That Don’t Slow You Down

  • Instead of submitting immediately, wait 15 minutes to scan for improvements.
  • If you finish something in a rush, schedule 5 minutes later in the day to revisit with fresh eyes.

This way, you still move fast but create small breathing spaces to catch errors or improve work.

3. Being Selective About Perfectionism

  • Not everything needs to be perfect. If something is “good enough,” ship it and move on.
  • But for high-impact tasks, give yourself permission to refine, even if it means pushing back slightly.

4. Shifting Identity: From “Fastest” to “Most Effective”

Right now, a big part of your identity is likely “I’m the one who gets things done fast.”
But what if you shifted to:

  • “I’m the one who delivers high-quality work with precision.”
  • “I don’t just finish fast—I make sure it’s worth finishing.”

This way, you preserve your strengths while giving yourself breathing room.

Final Thought: Can You Keep Both Sides of the Coin?

You’re right—your speed helped you succeed. And letting go of it entirely might mean you wouldn’t be where you are. But success isn’t just about getting somewhere; it’s about sustaining yourself once you’re there.

So maybe the challenge isn’t about choosing one side of the coin. It’s about learning how to flip it at the right time.

Does this feel like a path you could see yourself taking?

Unsurprisingly, quitting cold turkey likely isn’t the answer. I just know my “driven” side of the coin is going to be a dick to the other side I’m trying to have emerge. This reminds me of Oliver Burkeman’s “You are Here” series on the Waking Up app which I have revisited several times. Here is an excerpt from his article “Self-discipline is overrated, so go easy on yourself” that specifically mentions the child who always completes her homework the moment it’s assigned.

As the progressive educator Alfie Kohn points out in his essay Why Self-Discipline Is Overrated, the child who always completes her homework the moment it’s assigned looks like a paragon of virtue. But the truth may be that she “wants – or, more accurately, needs – to get the assignment out of the way in order to stave off anxiety”. She may hate leaving anything unfinished, or feel that her worth depends on her performance. This is sometimes a good way to get your work done (except when it backfires, as in my case), but it’s no recipe for an enjoyable life. We praise those who demonstrate “intrinsic motivation”, but sometimes all that means is that they have successfully internalised society’s drill-sergeant. We call them “driven”, which should be a clue: they are being yelled at, only by themselves.

When my attempts at unbending discipline fail, I turn to a post the Buddhist teacher Susan Piver wrote in 2010, entitled Getting Stuff Done By Not Being Mean To Yourself. It relates her own frustrating attempts at rigid scheduling, and the approach she chose instead: asking what she felt like doing. This sounds self-indulgent (or, to the hyper-disciplined, terrifying). But guess what? “I did all the things I yell at myself to do. My day looked pretty much exactly like my days do when I succeed in being ‘disciplined’. Only, this time, it seemed effortless.” Maybe you’re not a recalcitrant loser who can’t be trusted to spend your time wisely? Just a thought.

Well, this was somewhat cathartic. I probably should’ve taken a break halfway through to let my thoughts marinate though


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